Wanted: A mistress for my husband.

Now accepting applications.

Is it just me (preach to me mommys and daddys), or do you get really fucking pissed when your spouse leaves for work early in the a.m., works hard all day (and by law gets a prescribed number of breaks, during which there is not a small child talking to them nonstop, or a fussy baby needing constant bouncing), works until late in the evening, and then comes home and wants to talk about his day? I’m not saying this response is “rational”, whatever the fuck that means. I’m just saying that I don’t want to be the one who, simply because we got “married”, is required to give a fuck how his day was. Why is that my job? I already squeezed out two babies for him, and keep them from killing themselves or starving every day. Isn’t that enough? ISN’T THAT ENOUGH??!!

So, acknowledging that someone does in fact need to give a shit, I’d like to outsource that responsibility.

I’m out of boxed wine, I need to go get more.

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6 thoughts on “Wanted: A mistress for my husband.

  1. Gurrrrrl, I know! That’s why people need friends to talk to. Friends that haven’t been trying not to lose their damn minds all day and have an ounce of patience left to give a damn. At 5 o’clock, I don’t have to give a damn, and I’m out!! I’m all, “see ya, suckas!!” Then when I come back, it’s easier to give a damn, and I can sort of be a nice person…I might even make dinner or clean something…shit. Get some more wine..STAT!!!

  2. That’s a good idea. Like a “Give a damn” break. Where I just don’t have to. And then I can get back in the game. Perfect. I was just thinking– despite how ULTIMATELY I do care very much, I can’t be the only person who wants to smother their spouse’s face with a pillow at times. No way.

  3. Every time I even think to touch my pillow to my husband’s face it ends up looking like a civil war bandage. Just add that to the list of “things to do”. Fuck that, smother yourself. I’m drunk

  4. Dear person who found this page by googling “want to insult my husband mistress”,
    If you do, in fact, need help generating ideas on how to insult your husband’s mistress, let me know. Consider this a community that cares for you, and is willing to help you fight a ho. I hope you feel encouraged and blessed today. Hugs!

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