Goal for 2012: Make dragon babies with a TV set.

Last night me and Sugardaddy were doing a preliminary review of which luxury expenses we should cut out now that I’m not a high-rolling baller.

Sugardaddy: “We need to keep HBO. I’m hooked.”

Me: “I know. I still need to make dragon babies with Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones.”

But as I thought through that goal, I realized there are so MANY babies I need to make with my TV set this year. Maybe I should make this a 5-year plan, so as not to overwhelm “the loins”.

Dragon. Babies.

I’ll need to make babies with Daenerys first because I don’t feel like she deserves sloppy seconds. She’s too perfect and weirdly blonde. And she has dragon babies. Did I mention she has dragon babies? Does the fact that I’m mesmerized by that make me a nerd? Okay moving on…

Have you met Chalky White from Boardwalk Empire? Well you need to. There’s really no other way to meet Chalky, than like this (I recommend watching the full 8 minutes):

That’s some of the hottest shit I’ve ever seen.  I like the idea of BEING a mob boss, but this just makes me want to BELONG to a mob boss… named Chalky White.

Then, let’s be honest– I’m gonna have a whole GANG of babies with the cast of True Blood. Well… 3 of ’em at least. A lil’ baby shape-shifter, a lil’ baby vampire, and a lil’ baby… I dunno, I dunno what Lafayette is.

Ladies first of course. Janina, I’ll take good care of you. I’ll protect you from your greasy ugly redneck werewolf boyfriend who could never possibly attain you in real life but somehow the writers of the show felt was a realistic option. I’d believe vampires were real before I’d believe you’d ever date that guy.  Especially after playing Papi in L Word, where you were pleasing the ladies at a rate that not even Shane her lady-whore self could keep up with. Let’s just say you can shape-shift into anything you want, and I’d still pay to play.

Janina Gavankar. I don't remember her name in True Blood, and I don't care.

"Hooker, please."

Then I’ll need pay a visit to Lafayette, whose sex appeal (for me, at least) lies solely in his strong and healthy personal boundaries. What is it about a person’s willingness to tell others (including your own family members) to fuck off that is just so damn sexy? So what if he’s gay, and his boyfriend is an over-sensitive dude named Jesus (hay-zoos). It doesn’t take away… I’m so drawn to this guy.  If he doesn’t want to make gay bi-racial babies with me, I’d at least like him to call me on the phone and say “Hooker, where you at?”

Eric is contemplating what he wants to do to me tonight.

And… then I’ll need to get freaky with Eric Northman. Go figure– I’m typically not into blondes. I don’t even like vampires. But I like bad boys, and he’s got that shit down. I don’t know if every girl has a weakness for bad boys, but it’s probably my biggest weakness. As long as deep down he’s got some kinda soft squishy center of love in him (which he does).  You can get an ounce of Eric here (I apologize for Sookie’s lame ass), or you can watch him charm fundamentalist religious-types here. Or you can look at his booty-cheeks here.

What you WON’T see me doing is making shit like this.  Or doing shit like this.

This is some shit.


9 thoughts on “Goal for 2012: Make dragon babies with a TV set.

  1. Never really got into True Blood, but I am helplessly addicted to both Game of Thrones AND Boardwalk Empire. It’s the only reason I HAVE HBO.

    Have you seen Carnivale, Deadwood, or Rome? All the goodness. . . all the goodness. . .

    • I saw Rome, but not the others. I’ve heard they’re really good. Why can’t my kids just raise themselves? Society told me that stay-at-home-moms don’t do anything and get to watch TV all day. I was sold a horrible lie. bastards.

  2. Oh, Darling, I agree. Hotness all over the place. I am going to have to come over and use you for….your HBO…nothing else, really. Okay, maybe your washing machine and to get my baby fix with the sunster.

    • Somehow that doesn’t make me feel slutty at all! We started watching Luck the other night (Sunday nights are our “HBO/quality time” together), and I can’t say there were any hotties (unless you like small bow-legged men who apparently never progressed past puberty– that’s just not my thing. Midgets, maybe, but not these guys). But it DOES include gambling, which I don’t mind living vicariously to experience that madness. I’m just not a risk-taker I guess. Well, and I’m broke– that also helps.

  3. I never got into True Blood because I couldn’t stand Sookie’s HORRIBLE accent! But I got seriously addicted to Vampire Diaries. I’m slowing returning to society but there was a time where I was lost.
    Bad boys are hot ’cause you want to be the one to tame them=)

  4. Coffee shot out of my nose when I saw the last picture. I am going to ask the hubs if he wants to dress up like that with me tonight. He needs to buy his own eyeliner though.

      • I can totally see Jeff dressing up as that guy. And saying stuff about Locke being the stallion that mounts the world or some shit like that. You know what I’m talking about.

        • It is seriously the funniest picture I have seen in a long time. I can’t even come up with a witty reply b/c I am taking so much pleasure in it. I wish I knew those people. We would have so many dinner parties.

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