Say goodbye to all those disabled assholes in your life!

Or not disabled. Whatever. Who the fuck’s counting?

Lucky for me (let’s be honest– ALL of us), some cuddly academics out of Oxford University published an article in the Journal of Medical Ethics, which says ‘newborn babies are not “actual persons” and do not have a “moral right to life”.’  You can read more about it here.  It basically says that killing newborn babies is different than killing an “actual person”, because in this case you’re not keeping the babies from achieving their life goals.

“The reason is that, unlike the case of death of an existing person, failing to bring a new person into existence does not prevent anyone from accomplishing any of her future aims.” (After-birth abortion: why should the baby live? Pg. 2 Alberto Giubilini, Francesca Minerva)

Well, who says I give a shit about someone else’s life goals? Fuck it. If we’re aborting people, let’s do this shit!

Go ahead and get one last look. Cuz I'm aborting this fucker.

Let’s start by aborting everyone in Iceland. They’re inbred, and they’re White (we’ve got enough crackers on this earth, right?).  We’ll take their island and get crunk, ya’ll!  Except Bjork. We’ll keep her. I enjoy her album Vespertine. I find it morally relevant.  Oh, and if we abort all the Icelanders for those reasons, we’ll need to go ahead and abort all the Amish people too. Done.

Adam Levine of Maroon 5. Not morally relevant.

Disabled feminists. Dragging us down. They’re only weak links in the cause.  Time’s a-changing, ladies. We need to keep up.

The Fresh Beat Band on Nick Jr. They make me want to kill myself, so preemptively aborting them will improve quality of life everywhere.

Albert Einstein. (He’s a Jew).

My little brother. Been wanting to abort him for years.  Just finishing what my mom couldn’t start. Later, asshole!

Oh, and Sugardaddy wants to abort Ryan Seacrest, as well as the stockboy at the grocery store that gave him the evil eye when he picked up that bag of Funyuns. Happy Anniversary, baby!

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8 thoughts on “Say goodbye to all those disabled assholes in your life!

  1. We don’t have enough “abortion doctors” in the world to abort these people. I volunteer to abort my 4 sheltie having asses. I’ll abort the shit outta ’em.

  2. kill’em dead…they won’t know what they are miss’in. But I will take Adam Lavine off your hands, what is he…a one or two bagger?

    • LOL! two bagger….
      Okay babe, I’ll let you keep Adam Levine, but ONLY if you duct tape his mouth shut. I want nothing more than for you to have someone warm and morally relevant to snuggle up to at night.

  3. One of my thousands of readers (and hands-down the hottest halfrican in the arctic circle) emailed me with this:
    “Why ya gotta hate on the “Fresh Beat Band”? They look like all-American upstanding people…except for the white guy, his dancing and over-enthusiasm is atrocious.”

    I understand their seemingly innocent presentation, and their efforts to represent a variety of demographic groups shouldn’t go un-praised, but when their songs become a parasite that attaches itself to your brain, slowly but assuredly draining from you your will to live, it becomes a problem. So, when you have a child someday, who you will love enough to let them watch that shit when they ask to, you will understand. But be warned… that redhead chick has a really weirdly shaped mouth. She might be the devil.

  4. /HGHRGHRGRGHrgh/LRWHGEGgh to HELL ALL of You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    here it cometh?>>>><{:_()_)

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