That dick Bambi just won this mother’s gratitude.

It’s springtime, and birds are getting their freak on!  Meanwhile, I got caught up watching Bambi with my daughter this morning.

I’ve never liked the movie Bambi, and after watching it again this morning, I know why. It’s just boring. It lacks any imagination whatsoever.  I couldn’t even find any of the good ol’ racist character depictions that Disney cartoons are so known for. See if any of this shit sounds familiar:

Bambi is a baby deer who, directly upon his mom dying from a gunshot wound, learns what sex is, and swears a life of bachelorhood to his fellow adolescent friends.  Several years later he sees a sexy bitch, fights a ho to win her over, wins the girl, bangs that girl, and pops out a couple little baby deer of his own. The movie ends with Bambi (who should really consider changing his name now that he’s an adult) winning the approval of his father.

I’m sorry, I almost fell asleep typing that.  The only thing I found slightly intriguing in the story was the fact that Bambi learned about sex from the crazy old owl in the neighborhood. Does anyone else find that creepy?  I guess life was different in the 1940’s.  All the “older brother” types were off fighting World War II.  But lucky for me, I no longer need to have the sex talk with my 4-year-old. Done. I’ve got no problem with my kid learning about sex from a crazy old man.  Along with the invaluable lesson that sex is the answer to your depressing moments in life. Like when your mom dies.

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